The Laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. Due to the rather dynamic nature of Anime Science, theories and paradigms are generally in a state of constant flux, often shifting or changing with the tide of whimsy. By no means all-inclusive and sometimes not even remotely instructive, the following is an enumerated list of semi-empirical islands in an ocean of conjecture. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The normal laws of physics do not apply.

Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary -
 

Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary -
 
Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary -
 

Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary -
 

The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary -
 
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary -
 
Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

Minmei is a bimbo.

The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

First Corollary -
(from Adam Barnes)
 

Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

Tactical geniuses aren't....

People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.

First Corollary -
 

The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary -
 
The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -
 

All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
(from Nyctomania)
 
Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.

Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
 
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
 
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.

First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -
(from Ferdinand Pelayo)
 

The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.

First Corollary -
 

Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

There is no Law #43.

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

In an effort to further the advance of  Anime Science and the thoughtful  discussion, exploration, and synthesis  of Anime, this web site has joined  The Anime Ring.			Did we miss one?  Got a comment?  Feel free to send us  your own suggestions!
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Most of the Laws have pretty much been "discovered", but every once in a while Ryan and I find a new one, or someone suggests a good one. If you have some of your own laws you want to send us, we'd love to get them. However, now that the list has gotten so long, and Ryan and I have gotten pickier (and a little lazier), we don't use most of the suggestions we get, usually because they are too specific to one series or movie, and just aren't general enough to be a "universal law".

Of course, not to undermine the purpose of this list, but really, all the Laws of Anime can be summed up by a single statement: "If it looks cool, it works."

Other Anime Humor Pages

• Ranma 1/2 Drinking Game - My wife put this together... hopefully she won't find where I hid the margarita mix!
• NeoAnime's Laws of Anime - Cal Poly Pomona's Anime Club has added some laws of their own
• RSFA Anime Humor Page - The Anime Drinking Game and 101 Things To Do With A Dead Totoro
• Worldwide Anime Funny Pages - This is on a german site, but most of the links are in English
• Some more thoughts on Anime/Manga Physics and another page dealing with Physics in Ranma 1/2.
• Guide to Anime Hair Color - Apparently, Grey is evil, as demonstrated by the 10 Laws of Evil Characters.
• Anime Fun Page - Anime Computer Viruses, Anime Top Ten Lists, Tickle-Me dolls, and the Real Rules for the Knight Sabres.
• All I Ever Learned, I Learned From Anime - Looks like whoever put this together was headed in the same direction, just took a slightly different path. Lots of good observations here. You might also want to poke around the Anime Café while you're there.

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